How many of us have fallen prey to lies like these? No longer! At WhoopTee, we debunk the preceding lies in order to contribute to the greater good. To spare you the misery, we'll get cracking on the list above and translate these common tall tales. Now you know. Don't take the bait! 

1) I’m not drunk

Translation: Well, this isn’t completely a lie…I’m WASTED.

 2) I won’t hurt you

Translation: I cheated on all of my past girlfriends, elementary school included. Suzy Q was busy doodling my name in her notebook in the third grade while I was all up in this fourth grade girl’s grillshe looked like Cindy Lou Who. Total babe.

 3) Let’s stay friends

Translation: Erm…let’s not. But I get really uncomfortable when you cry and I’m REALLY hoping if I feed you this line you’ll stop. You make this weird fish face and open your mouth really wide and I get scared you might eat my face. Can't deprive the world of this moneymaking mug. 

 4) She’s just a friend

Translation: For now…until this afternoon when I serve her up a hot, steaming plate of MUAH. Sizzle…she won’t be able to resist.

 5) I lost your number.

Translation: Once upon a time there was an iPhone that got ransacked by a crazy girl named you and got choked with your number, which somehow magically fell out contrary to the advent of cutting-edge smart phone technology. Logical. The End.

 6) I need time to myself

Translation: I need time to focus on my adult responsibilities. This includes playing Call of Duty followed by a riveting afternoon of the Jersey Shore marathon, and then listening to my mom critique my bad life choices while she makes me a sandwich.

 7) I’ll start a diet tomorrow

Translation: …After I pound this footlong meatball marinara sub, entire bag of cooler ranch flavored Doritos and two liters of Sprite.

The universe is chalk full of lies, and it's up to you to reveal the underlying truth! Got any to add to this list? Comment and add your translation! Photo via

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