Say what you will, but I have a soft spot in my heart for Charlie Sheen. Why not? As a womanizing, abusive, drug-addled product of celebrity sensationalism and mass media marketing, what’s not to love? The same side of that coin has obviously produced an easy target that encapsulates everything to hate about fame, privilege, and gluttonyso I get it. Disdain for the Sheenmaster is inevitable.

But whether you love it, hate it or love to hate it, his unabashed crazy spell made for a stream of fantastically nonsensical quips and some of the best cultural slogans to date. Although ABC News and Fox provided a successful media stage for Sheen to create, script, and enact his best character yet, this glorious tee offers an equally if not more effective podium. And social agenda aside, who wouldn’t want to wear Charlie Sheen’s face?

Although I do think this style of tee lends itself extremely well to personal and social expression, this is also a good excuse to relive my favorite Charlie Sheen quotes. A few gems:

Sheenism #1: "When you see how I party man, it's epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children." ("20/20.")
Armless children…LOL…what?


Sheenism #2: "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view." ("20/20.")
Actually, if by “coffee” he means crack rocks and “top” he means deep in the bottomless abyss of despair, this one actually makes sense. Just gotta learn your Sheenisms!

Sheenism #3 "I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero." ("20/20.")
...remind me again when Charlie Sheen was a ball player? Slash, point me to where the definition of “happily married” somehow involves a "golden sombrero...”

So, whether you visibly cringe when approached by someone decked out in comedienne meltdown-inspired garb or lead his fan club, graphic tees of this variety facilitate a pedestal for unrestrained public confession, a space for your voice to be heard, and thus a whole lot of awesome. TRUST IN THE SHEENMASTER.
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